As a successful business woman, wife, stepmother, daughter, sister, friend, I struggle with the roles I play, when I play them and how to emotionally cope with the roller coaster. Being a professional woman and leader comes with an incredible amount of courage, bravery, confusion and anxiety. I look at the generations of women around me and we’re all lost.
It was only 50 years ago that we had really one life to live and that was motherhood. And that is a misunderstood, culturally envied role to play that women don’t understand until we’re in it, when we can’t turn back and have no clue what is going on in our heads. It’s the most difficult, strenuous yet most love you can give to anything in your life and it just happens over night. Your world gets flipped and your responsibilities change to a child and away from yourself and your partner. It is a mess. We cook, we clean, we nurture, we guide, we uplift our partners—we carry the household beyond bringing in the money.
And then fast forward to today, where we’re still playing the motherhood role but now we want to be amazing mothers and have professional success, inner peace, a great family and limited stress. This is f*cking confusing.
Here I am, with two degrees, a great job, fantastic friends, married with stepkids. We’ve come this far with our rights and opportunity so that we can have more than just a motherhood role. So that we can be leaders, have a seat at the table and forge a new world for our daughters and granddaughters. We want gender equity yet our soul and familial traits pull us differently than men. I feel like the motherhood duties are shared now more than ever with our partners yet we hold this resentment. I want to be paid equally to men and have equal duties in the household but still want my husband to treat me like a lady, open up the cans, and make money. I’m married to an entrepreneur and that means I hold the stability through my corporate job and my health insurance and in theory that should be okay, but in mind and gut, I feel like the man should do this. I keep fighting for equality but subconsciously I’m still that woman from fifty years ago that is used to taking care of the household, being a mother, and relying on her husband for financial security. WTF is going on in my head.
I’m incredibly lucky to have a partner that listens, understands and respects my whole self and my dreams, but we struggle with the household dynamic. He too struggles with the idea that his wife could make more money than him and I struggle with the idea that I could not. It’s like our neuro patterns from decades over decades are so instilled in both of us, that it’s hard to catch our ground because we don’t know who to be and when to be it.
I’m not sure if this makes any sense but sometimes I feel crazy. I’m #metoo, why the heck am I cleaning and doing the laundry again, one second, and then I’m perfectly content with my husband making dinner and playing with the kids while I write.
I guess my point here is that deep down women and men are super confused with our roles and responsibilities in today’s household. We have evolved so much and desire more for all of us, but that doesn’t mean our subconsciousness and old patterns aren’t there. This awareness is huge for me. Knowing that while I want gender roles to be more equal, we are human and have generations of shame and constructs stuck in us. If you think you’ll be able to be successful in your home and in your career without in depth self reflection, self awareness and intentional change, you’re madly mistaken. This is new for all of us, but being vulnerable and open to new ways of life will be a step towards more peace and therefore more equality